no recovery

 no recovery 

not for me 

too much calories 

too much weight to gain 

--

too much food 

always 

never enough 

number dropping 

lower

lower 

lower 

why can't i see?

why can't i see that

ive lost weight?

i look 

the 

same 

and im scared 

ill aways be fat 

no matter how 

much i try 

no matter how

 much control 

its...

not 

always 

enough 

happy october 3rd!

   𝖔𝖈𝖙𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗 3𝖗𝖉, 2025

            ꜱᴏɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ:  Complicated - Avril Lavigne         

OMG it's october 3rd! mean girls day!! if you do not know what mean girls day is, it is just a meme from the movie "Mean Girls." it was made in April of 2004. I have seen it sooo many times and i have heard so many references from it. if you have not watched it please doooo. it can even count as a halloween movie cause they dress up for it as well. you can watch on Hulu, Disney+, Paramount+, and youtube. 

and guess what?! it's also the day taylor swift's new album "The Life of a Showgirl" comes out! I listened to it on the way to work and its very good so far :) i def recommend even tho i have not heard all of it. taylor swift just be herself and i love her. fun fact: i have seen her twice in concert! it was amazing and would def go again. 

today at work i have to finish my CPR class to be able to continue in the piercing program i am in! it is just.. the videos are so long and repetitive and boring. i've taken this class twice in the past 6 years and i know it was time to be certified again but ugh is it boring!

today my morning started out awful. I ended up c/s soo many things and then i actually ATE something!? like whaaat. i havent eaten what was outside of my planned cals for the day in like months. this wasnt me, it was like my hunger was controlling me. idk how to explain but after i cried and got very upset. I just cannot wait to finish this CPR training and then i can go on break and then at 8pm i can go home. so far awayyy. 

please goddesses please let me get through this day and i'll be so grateful. tomorrow i know will be better and i wish i could restart the day. 

also, i haven't weighed myself in a bit, i'm going to take some lax and then weigh myself tomorrow morning. will be taking the lax in 40 mins on my work lunch break. 

I hope you all have a wonderful friday and weekend! 

My plans for the weekend are to work tomorrow and then chill and chores on sunday! what are your plans for the weekend? 

xx rain 

gσαℓѕ ƒσя σ¢тσвєя

 here are some monthly goals for.... ↑

1. lose at least 12lbs / 5.4kg
2. eat more protein 
3. eat during the day instead of fasting to reduce risk of binging 
4. spend less $ and instead start saving 

trying to not give myself too many goals cause then i won't achieve any of them lol.

any other suggestions to goals? what are y'alls goals for the month? comment below!

𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓸 𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

 monday sept 29th, TO DO:

• 𝔽𝕀ℕ𝕀𝕊ℍ ℂℙℝ 𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘 
• 𝕘𝕠 𝕥𝕠 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕜 @ 𝟙𝟙 𝕥𝕠 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕡𝕦𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕓 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕗𝕗 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕟𝕖𝕣
• 𝕒𝕤𝕜 𝕓𝕠𝕤𝕤 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕖𝕩𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕖 
• 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕖𝕤 
• 𝕔𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕕𝕘𝕖 
• 𝕃𝔸𝕌𝔻ℕℝ𝕐
• 𝕠𝕠𝕠𝕠 𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕔𝕜 𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕙𝕠𝕥 𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕚𝕔/𝕤𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕗𝕚𝕥

if i get these things done, i can give myself a lil reward<3 (NOT food)

what should it be??

ideas: 

1. get one extra coffee this week 
2. one new accessory 
3. AHHHH i can buy the LoseIt subscription for $20

comment below ideas/suggestions! 

xx rain 

psychiatrist appointment

 i confessed. 

i confessed i wasnt eating to my psychiatrist. 

she got real worried once i told her...

how little i was eating..

how dizzy i feel constantly..

how much weight ive lost..

how irritable i am..

she said i can get help 

i dont want it 

i just want to be seen

finally seen 

i feel better 

as long as no one

 forces me to do anything 

then i be chill cause 

now someone sees me 

--

am i sick enough for hospital?

a new diagnosis?

treatment?

we'll see 

in the weeks to come